In honor of surviving the first year with twins, I have written a post for my fellow twin mamas out there in the throes of the journey. I have never been happier than I am today, and celebrating the twins first birthday is truly the most magical of milestones. So without further ado….One Year Later….What I Learned From Having Twins….
1. Find humility and grace for yourself…you will be ripped open in ways you have never known, and you will uncover the most raw and vulnerable parts of your being that you never knew existed. It’s harder than you could ever possibly imagine, and yet, from that place of survival you will also discover strength and patience you never knew you possessed. It is the most insanely beautiful mess, and just know this: the insanity will pass and it is perfectly okay and normal to feel like some kind of primal wounded animal for a time being. You will be a human being again and you will look back and wonder how in the world you found the strength in spirit to survive the witching hour with two screaming babies knowing you only have an hour or two of sleep before the demands begin again. You are a superhero – you’ve got this, and I promise someday you will forget that babies cry all day long.
2. Another twin mom once told me that “no twin…no opinion”, and I have to agree. No mother of a single baby can possibly understand what it feels like to have your loyalties split when two babies need two different things at the exact same time and there simply isn’t enough of you to go around. The guilt you feel every minute of every day in attempting to feed, soothe, and love two babies simultaneously is simply mind-boggling, and the good news is that twins learn over time to take turns, they find patience in allowing their sibling to come first, and eventually everyone gets the same amount of care and attention based on whose needs are the greatest.
3. You will depend and lean on other people in a way you could never imagine. The hardest thing for me personally about having twins is the helplessness you feel in needing support from those around you. Twin dads are a special breed of man. They are forced to be hands on, and in all reality – anyone in your support system will be hands on. You learn to accept help and you also learn that when you need others to help you, you also have to forgo control of things being done your way. You have to let go by default.
4. It does become twice the fun. It is hard to fathom when you are in the throws of twice the work, twice the feedings, and twice the middle of the night meltdowns that someday it will truly be twice the love and joy…but once everyone is sleeping and feeding themselves it is truly twice the blessing.
5. Last but not least…. everything will pass. Every gas issue, every meltdown, every colic infused hysteria will change, and no matter how difficult every little phase is that you are going through – you will surpass it as something new emerges. The babies learn to sit, and then they learn to stand, and then suddenly before you know it they are climbing into your cabinets and laughing with delight. It gets easier with every passing day as the sacrifices and tradeoffs become less and less, and the joy becomes greater and greater. No matter what you are going through, it won’t last long and it will get better….in fact, it will become heavenly. Everyone told me the one-year mark is when they came up for air and it totally changed and they were right. It is magic….and it is worth it! So hang in there twin mamas….you are AMAZING.